Shopping
by TykiWife
Summary: Naru confides in Bou-san for condom advice, and ends up going condom shopping with the older man. The experience is more than a little humiliating for poor Naru.


_Hello everyone! My name is TykiWife ^^_

_My friend **morningnight** got the idea for this when she was working...I couldn't help myself I had to write it . I believe she wrote a version too, so check hers out and see whose is better :D_

_I hope you all enjoy! Please review!_

"Naru, stop complaining; this is going to be fun."

Kazuya Shibuya, also known as Naru, scowled at Bou-san's back as he was forced to follow the older man through a pharmacy, fighting a blush with every step and not liking the situation he was in one bit. This was all Mai's fault! Well, technically it was his too, since he was the one who kissed her first, but...that was still Mai's fault! As soon as word got around that he and Mai had started dating, the others in their group had forced him into many shopping trips and activities to do before the first date between him and Mai. To be frank, he was nervous about it, yes, but he had enough confidence to handle things on his own and loved Mai enough to know how to treat her. Yes, he loved Mai. Had always loved Mai. Not that anyone but him knew that...but that was causing part of the problem. They were so determined to get them _completely _together. That's what made Naru nervous.

Yes. _That _kind of completely.

Naru's mistake was going to Bou-san for help; assuming he was a mature adult and had experience on these matters, Naru confided in the older male about..._that _kind of advice. And if that hadn't been the most embarrassing thing he had ever done, then Naru would be shocked. That wasn't the best idea though, because Bou-san got a huge smile on him face...much like the cat who got the cream. This brings us back to present time, because about an hour later they had arrived at this pharmacy/mini mart where Bou-san had insisted they needs to shop for the "appropriate items needed to please a woman". This was the most humiliating thing Naru had ever agreed to, he was sure, and he was also sure that when Mai heard she was going to die with laughter about it.

To make matters worse, people were staring at them; Bou-san's loud voice plus both of their good looks were drawing attention.

"Damn it, Bou-san," Naru hissed through his teeth, trying to retain at least a small amount of his dignity, "People are staring at us."

Bou-san spared him one backwards glance over his shoulder, shrugging them lightly as he replied, "And so what? You should be proud! Broadcast it to the world that you're buying your first box of-"

Naru slapped his hand over Bou-san's mouth, throwing daggers at him with his eyes, "Don't say it!"

And there was that cat-and-cream grin again; clearly Bou-san was having very much fun at Naru's expense. He pried the boy's hand from his mouth, flashing his canines as he patted his head, "Aww, you are just too cute when you're embarrassed" He waggled his brows, "Has Mai ever seen this side of you?"

No matter how much he tried not to blush, Naru felt his cheeks getting hotter and hotter by the second. Of course Mai hadn't seen him like this; Naru had way more pride than that. Nor would Mai every find out he had this side to him, if he had his way and Bou-san kept his big mouth shut. And if he valued his life or his job, he would. So instead of replying to him, Naru gave him the darkest stare he could muster, pulling away from the taller man and pointedly walking toward their destination again, mentally trying to make himself look cool, calm, and collected again. Was it working? Maybe not. But it made him feel a little bit better.

"You're such a drama queen," Bou-san snickered as they neared that dreaded isle, running a hand through his sandy-colored hair, "All this fuss about buying-"

"I swear to god Bou-san," Naru snapped, cutting him off, "I don't get why you're so convinced I will need these! I doubt Mai is...well..._that _kind of girl!" And there was that hot feeling back in his cheeks. Damn it.

Bou-san let out a carefree laugh, tossing Naru a knowing look, "Oh please. You two have been giving each other those _looks _ever since you hired her. The sexual tensions are outrageous, even _John _could feel them!"

Naru scowled at the floor, crossing his arms even though he knew the actions were childish as he muttered, "That's not the only reason I'm dating Mai."

"Ahaha...",Bou-san beamed happily, looking like a proud father as he patted Naru lightly on the head, "I know, honey bun. But you're a man and she's a woman-If you don't need them now then you'll surely need them later. Trust me."

The look Naru gave Bou-san could surely kill someone, "If you ever call me honey bun again, I'm going to stab you."

Bou-san, foolishly, only laughed as they came to a halt in front of a series of shelves, the contents of which made Naru cringe.

_Ugh...Condoms..._

Where does one begin to start? Big ones...small ones...ones that provided extra sensations...flavored ones? Naru bit his lip, looking over all the different products and labels over and over again, not sure which to get in the slightest bit. And the more they looked, the more a person working their inched closer, probably to ask them if the needed help. This was already embarrassing enough without others getting involved. Plus, people in the store were still watching, which irritated him to no end. Couldn't they give them any privacy? He was stressed enough the way it was with Bou-san patiently waiting for him to pick.

After about a minute went by, Bou-san said, "You're not sure which one you want, are you?"

Feeling utterly sheepish, Naru nodded, letting out a heavy sigh as he willed his cheeks to cool.

Bou-san smirked, raising one eyebrow at the younger boy, "Well, how big are you?"

Naru blinked, not expecting the blunt question to come from Bou-san's mouth, "Wha...what?" He stuttered.

"You know," Bou-san gave him a look, "How many inches? You're either a small, large, or extra large, or-"

Naru covered his mouth again when several more people looked their way. This was _humiliating. _And Bou-san was enjoying it way to much!

"Um..." Naru fidgited, putting his hand to his forehead with a sigh as he muttered, "Um...Extra large..."

Bou-san's brows shot into his hairline, "You sure about that?" He sounded highly skeptical.

"Well yes, I am," Naru glared up at him, crossing his arms again, "It's my penis after all."

Bou-san's mouth quirked up at one corner in a smirk that managed to irritate Naru to no end, "Yeah, well," He drawled, playing with one of his ear piercings, "You do have a really big ego and-"

"When have you known me to be someone to boast about the size of his penis?" Naru said in a dry voice, a little too loudly because the clerk at the desk gave them an extremely concerned look, fidgeting as people around them snickered. Naru let out a heavy sigh, covering his forehead with his hand again. God help him through this experience. This was worth it in the end, he knew, but if Mai found out he would be positively horrified. Hell, he was already horrified. This was unfair in so many ways.

Bou-san gave him a grin again, "Well you boast about everything else."

"This is different," Naru sighed heavily, "Just help me, will you? I'd like to leave."

Bou-san rolled his eyes, turning back to the colorfully labeled packages as he snickered, "Yeah yeah..." He looked through the extra large section, humming a happy tone under his breath and causing Naru to growl under his breath when he decided to take his good, slow natured time. Damn monk. He was getting a kick out of this, and the fact that he would forever know the size of Naru's penis was highly concerning. And the fact that everyone would know if they had sex was also a little horrifying. Was his private life ever private? He doubted it. He felt like everything was being planned for him, everything but the dirty deed itself. Knowing Bou-san though, if he had his way he would plan that too.

"Okay, so do you want ones that are lubricating? Warming? Ones that trigger different sensations in your partner?" Bou-san said, looking over everything for a fifth time and musing aloud to himself, "Oooo these sound nice! They help create long lasting orgasms for both partners!"

"Oh dear god." Naru groaned, burying his face in his hands, "God help me..."

Bou-san laughed again, nudging Naru with his elbow, "Hey, come on! This is exciting! There are ones here that I haven't even heard of." He eyed another box, "I especially like those tingling ones...I might actually boy a box of those-"

"Bou-san!" Naru snapped, cheeks hot, "Focus!"

Bou-san rolled his eyes, making an impatient smile, "I would if you would give me an idea as to what you might want...though then again, since you are a beginner, I should recommend something good for you. Something good for your first experience." He started rummaging through boxes again, starting up that little hum again, which caused Naru to scream internally.

"Damn it, Bou-san I really want to be finished here!" Naru groaned, having suffered enough torment.

Bou-san let out a small sigh, tossing Naru an anooyed look, "Yeah yeah, don't get your panties in a twist." With a few more grumbling noises, he selected a box from the shelf, "Extra large and lubricated should do for you first timers!" He tossed the box and Naru, who blushed and fumbled to catch it, causing Bou-san to smirk dirtily, "Now say thank you to your sexy-fun-time mentor and promise to fill me in on alllll~ the dirty details."

Naru gave him the most evil glare he could muster, letting out and internal growl of rage. Pay back was a bitch, and he was _so _getting back at the older man for this experience one of these days. Bou-san, probably already sensing Naru's rage, only grinned happily and laughing, leading the way to the counter with a hop in his step. Bastard. He was probably going to enjoy Naru's discomfort for years to come. The jokes would never stop. The though caused Naru to let out a slow breath, dread curling into a ball in his stomach. Damn it._  
_

Naru went up to the counter, feeling the blush creeping in when the cashier gave him a knowing look, raising a brow as she scanned the box of condoms much slower than Naru would have liked. Even more annoying, Bou-san started humming "Candy Shop" under his breath, cheerful as can be as he gave the cashier a happy smile. Naru was going to kill him. it was official. Or maybe he could have Lin do it for him; there were plenty of fun charms the man knew how to make, and all Naru had to do was ask. Lin was the only one who decided to not get involved with all this craziness...thank God. Naru already owed him for that...but maybe killing Bou-san would be worth owing Lin a little more debt.

Finally, the cashier handed him the bag and wished him a good day, still eying Naru with that knowing look and maybe some impressed feelings at the condom size. But Naru did pay too much attention to her, quickly turning and practically running out of the store, letting out a heavy sigh of relief to be out of that situation. Not that it eased any of his anxiety about his first time with Mai, but at least this was one milestone passed. Bou-san still seemed to keep his cheer, grinning all the way to the car and all the way into the driver's seat. Naru pointedly kept his eyes on the window, trying to ignore what he was holding with every molecule of his being.

"So!" Bou-san said cheerfully, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot in only a few seconds, "That was fun!"

Naru gave him a dark look, regaining at least some of his pride now that they were out of condom land, "You're dead to me, Bou-san." He snapped.

Bou-san laughed, "Heeeyyyy you're talking to someone who deals with the dead!" He feigned a hurt look, "That's not very nice; I helped you didn't I?"

"You had way too much fun to call that help!" Naru snapped, "I swear if you ever tell anyone about this I'll have Lin make a thousand death curses for you, Monk. Don't doubt that."

Bou-san rolled his eyes, drumming his fingers on the wheel of the car and he sang, "Whatever you say, boss~"

Naru let out a growl at his mocking tone, turning to face the window again and trying to get a reign on his temper. This really sucked. There was no way they were doing this again. Next time, Naru would go alone.

Bou-san let out a laugh suddenly, turning to Naru wit ha pleading look, "Hey, at least let me have one ghost hunting joke in reference to your first time!"

"No." Naru gave him an appalled look.

"Aw, come on! Please?" Bou-san gave him a hopeful look, all pouting and puppy eyes.

"Not just no, but _hell _no." Naru hissed, turning away.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"_No."_

_"Pretty pleasee?"_

_"_I swear to God, Bou-san..." Naru pressed his fingers to his temples, fighting for patience.

A few seconds ticked by in silence, making Naru think that maybe Bou-san had finally given up. But then, after a minute passed without event, Bou-san suddenly blurted out.

"So are you excited about exorcising the demons from your peni-"

"_Bou-san!"_

* * *

_I regret nothing. REally I do xD Ahh this could have been done better but meh, what do I know? ^^ _

_I hope you all enjoyed that, because it really was fun to write xD I can just see this happening idk why..._

_Anywho, please Review I would love it!_

_Many thanks to everyone! :D_


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